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I’m going to pull a Lemony Snicket (A Series of Unfortunate Events) and warn you that this post has no happy ending. I am filled to the brim with anger and I’m having a difficult time simply “letting it go” (Sorry, Elsa).
People don’t listen
I’m writing this post after a quick walk with my dog. I live by the river and pre-pandemic, dozens of people would fish there especially if the weather was anything like today – clear skies and sunny with temperatures topping out at a mild 70 degrees. But today, as I walked along the river, I saw – the f*ck?? Dozens of people fishing! No social distancing. Not to mention that they trash the place with a litter of chicken bones, dead fish guts and empty soda cans every single time. Each time my eyes set sight on this scene, I can hardly contain my anger. People don’t listen. They either don’t understand the seriousness of the situation the world is in or truly believe that they won’t be affected. Meanwhile, my colleagues and I are trying our hardest to do our work as usual and support our students and each other in the process. But when I see the ignorant masses fishing by the river, as if today’s clear and sunny skies are the same ones from summers past, all our efforts seem pointless. The little bit of agency I I felt I had left over my life and this current catastrophe is blown away in the cool breeze, along with the rest of any hope I had left.
I dread beautiful weather
Now, because I know what will surely await me by the river, I dread beautiful weather. I already know the day before that if the sun will be out, I better make sure I get a long walk in early in the morning. That way I can avoid most people, especially the anglers by the river.
5 stages of grief
There is a small part of me, the rational bodhisattva, who knows that I am simply moving through the 5 stages of grief. After several weeks of trying my hardest to continue my life as normal as possible (i.e. denial), I have now moved swiftly and effectively to anger. This anger gives me some sense of control, even if it’s control soaked in delusion. Because in a way, if I’m angry enough at the fishermen of the world, then surely something will change, right?
I warned you at the beginning that this post had no happy ending. I have no positive twist on any of this. Perhaps when I move to stage 3 – bargaining – we can come up with a compromise.